


My Little Swan

by iamrotting



Category: Frozen (2013)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-06-10 13:34:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15292641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamrotting/pseuds/iamrotting
Summary: Was I a monster from the start?





	My Little Swan

The confusion that rushed through the castle when Princess Elsa’s parents, the King and Queen of Arendelle, came upon a realization - one that they really thought should have been a coincidence or… just a dream - when they found out their firstborn had magical powers… had turned into nothing but anger and frustration for themselves. As parents, their feelings were valid, but little Elsa didn’t understand.   
  
She was beyond terrified, her own feelings crashing down into the pit of her small stomach with each day that had passed by where the castle’s roaring anger completely overwhelmed her. Queen Iduna’s second child, Princess Anna, was born just a few weeks ago. The only source of happiness and comfort for the little blonde princess was seeing her little sister smile and laugh a toothless laugh.   
  
Ah, yes… beyond the confusion, there was also acceptance, and it wasn’t long until Elsa’s parents were able to smile at her. Treat her like a rightful daughter of the rulers’ of Arendelle.   
  
And little Elsa… well, she was a smart girl, but like any child, her oblivion and naivety clashed with the love of her two parents like two swords. And let’s not forget her baby sister.   
  
The freedom that she had felt whenever her powers escaped through her hands - how refreshing it was - gave her so much strength. A little girl shouldn’t be repressing her own emotions to accommodate others’ needs. A little girl… should be playing with her little sister. And no matter how refreshing it was… Elsa knew she wasn’t like others.  
  
The definition of playing for her was different now. Other children would ask for toys for Christmas, but all she ever asked was to spend time with Anna. To show her the magic.   
  
And so… the first time Elsa showed her the magic, she had snuck out of her room and into Anna’s baby crib next door. The baby’s instinct was somehow, very sharp because she didn’t cry when she noticed Elsa observing the crib with curiosity like a hawk. A long lasting, loving smile enveloped Anna’s chubby cheeks. It had grown even larger, her limbs flailing when Elsa sent a wave of little flurries above her head.   
  
The child princess felt a wave of emotions exploding in her chest - mostly feeling pleased and relieved. At least, one person in this castle accepted her.   
  
And with a cool hand, Elsa placed it on Anna’s forehead. The baby had silenced, and her smile faded into a look of curiosity. Oh, her teal eyes were so bright… so large, and filled with innocence. She giggled, and Anna’s tiny hand managed to grab hold of her one finger… and sucked it.  
  
“Did you know…?” Elsa whispered. “Anna, I am very proud of my powers. When you grow up, we can play _allll_ day! And then…” She hummed, rocking herself side by side. Realization dawned her that Anna was too young to comprehend what she was saying. But if magic and powers were possible in this world… a baby could have the possibility of understanding people’s words. “And then… we could build a snowman together, Anna. Every single day… we could go out and build a snowman.”   
  
One response she got was a gurgled ‘Ewsha!’  
  
The next time Elsa used her powers was during Anna’s third birthday. As a big sister and a wonderful princess, Elsa had always wanted to create something magical for Anna to play with. She had never given a gift to Anna before anyway. The joy and excitement that Anna would always show in the color of her eyes with every gift opening on holidays… well, it always delighted Elsa. She wanted to see that too.  
  
Quiet days had been spent with Elsa in the empty ballroom, trying to create the perfect thing for Anna - but frustration had gotten to the seven-year-old. All she had created was a snowman - something as simple as that. But she wanted to create a crystal swan made out of her very ice. Making ice… was harder than she expected.   
  
She groaned, freely dropping herself on the pile of snow on the ground.   
  
“Elsa! Elsa! Let’s go play!”   
  
The door creaked open, its echo quickly startling Elsa to get up. “A-Anna?” She looked up to see her baby sister gazing down in awe with a mouth opened in an ‘o’.   
  
“Whoa!” The redhead eagerly ran down the stairs. “Snow…” She gasped, unable to even make it all the way down yet.   
  
Shocked, Elsa had froze in the middle of the room, blue eyes watching Anna’s curious ones wander. “A-Anna, you shouldn’t be here…”   
  
“What are you making?!” Her loud voice resonated through the empty room, her little hand trying to reach for the handrail. Tiptoeing did the trick.   
  
“Um…” This was less of a secret now, and Elsa was a child that couldn’t even help but tell her little sister what was going on with her life and what she was doing. “I-I wanted to make you a birthday present…”   
  
A loud gasp sounded, tiny footsteps coming closer to her, but Elsa dared not to look at her in shame. The snowman - on the verge of collapsing - came to her view, and her expression fell. Just like that snowman. It was almost hell, having to have her blue eyes - guilty and punishing - glued to the powdered white ground, with the knowledge that Anna would be seeing her mess.   
  
“Whoa… did you make that?”   
  
More than curious, Elsa raises her head and her eyebrow. The mesmerization, the awe, the light on Anna’s face would have melted all the snow in the room. It was hard to grasp onto the idea that Anna… was enjoying this snowman Elsa had attempted to make. “Y-Yes… Anna, it was -”   
  
“That’s amazing! Could you teach me?!”   
  
Curiosity turned into confusion, and Elsa had become blinded by her glistening teal eyes. “I don’t… You want me to teach you? But I… I wanted to make you a swan -”   
  
“But Elsa, this is amazing!” Her laugh fueled Elsa with confidence once again.   
  
“Really?”   
  
When the little girl, just a few inches shorter than Elsa, turned to embrace her, the last thing Elsa wanted to do now was make her a swan. Never in her life did she want to try her very best anymore to please Anna, and it seemed like she really didn’t have to anymore. The warmth that filled her, gave her the strength to wrap her arms around Anna as well. “This will be the best gift I’ll ever have!”   
  
“Even if it’s not perfect?” Elsa tilted her head.   
  
“Mhm, because my big sis is perfect… and I’d like to build a snowman, so let’s go!”   
  
The next time Elsa used her powers, she felt helpless, being forced to crawl back into the cage that her parents’ anger had once created for her. She didn’t mean it. She wanted to help. And did helping… mean consequence? Or did her powers mean consequence? Either way, the wondrous sister she had known was gone, and all that was left… was this person with false memories of who Elsa would have been without powers.   
  
At once, the moment she had struck Anna with such unintentional force, she wished her powers didn’t exist. Once, she was proud of what she could do - how it would bring happiness - to the only person that she wanted to protect. Once… and many, many times after, all she thought of was the harm that she would bring to others.    
  
She was a monster.  
  
The times in isolation in her own room was filled with nothing but a cold emptiness. The knockings on her door, that once sounded like music to her ears, sounded nothing more than just annoyance. But she could never forget that Anna was on the other side. That she was the light on the other side.   
  
_“Elsa? Come out! Mama and Papa are leaving for their travels!”_  
  
She stayed curled up against the door. Having something physically pressed to her… gave her so much comfort,  but it was not Anna. It was not… anybody. Her gloved hands trembled like she had experienced cold, herself, but in reality… what did cold feel like? Did it hurt? Was it beautiful?   
_  
__“Let’s talk! I have a lot to tell you about today!”_ _  
_  
The torturous years that she had spent in her room - voided from the warmth of candle lights, voided from the outside world - had left Elsa numb from any wonderful feelings she had felt back then. Back then… when Anna was still okay.  
  
 _“Elsa… why are you avoiding me? Please, come out…”_   
  
She wrung her fingers where the tips burst with gentle lights of her own magic. Flakes of white snow danced in a room that was so cold… but it was just as mesmerizing as Anna’s eyes. _Was._ And now, she couldn’t see it anymore. This was the one time she was able to create a perfect swan.   
  
The next time Elsa used her powers… was when she had lost all control. The passing of her parents devastated the entire kingdom, but Elsa… Elsa could not get the support she had found in her parents anymore. Love? The love that she wanted to feel from her parents had faded and shattered the instant Kai had announced their death with a face filled with grief. The bitter tears - the angry, disgusted tears - for her mother and father almost immediately froze the moment they had touched the air in her room. She wept, like a child deprived of food… but she wept because the only person she cared about right now… was the only person she had to avoid.   
  
Mourning was so foreign to her, knowing that nobody had ever died in her life - but now, it had doubled. She cried, she fought herself… she wanted ways to break free from her own curse, but none could bring her parents back. None could make her get out of her room to hold Anna.   
  
But for once in her dreaded life, Elsa made her way down the hall where Anna’s room was located. She convinced herself - just for a split minute. Just for that, it’d be alright. For once, she felt an unfamiliar cold in her hands through the object she had created. A little swan. A reminder… that she was still there for her little sister in spirit.  She wasn’t sure if Anna had taken it, but when she heard a small squeal when Elsa came back to her room… well, she was sure then. Nobody could mistake that.   
  
Three years had passed since the last time Elsa had used her powers, and she wondered… if people viewed her as the monster as she had always viewed herself to become. She had become a Queen, a quite elegant one that had a pride soul… and a gentle heart.   
  
_“Something has possessed her. A demon, perhaps. Poor child.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“She’s our Queen? I feel bad for her… she has so much to deal with. Plus her parents…”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“We need to rebel. We don’t want someone like her to take the throne, do we?”_ _  
_  
 _“A monster… that’s what she is.”_  
  
And like a Queen, she was unfazed by those words on the outside… but with every poisonous word that spread through the kingdom, her heart shattered over and over again.   
  
“Elsa!” The Queen looked away from her bedroom window to see her baby sister coming in and making herself comfortable on Elsa’s bed. “God, you could’ve come to the fields with me today. There’s just so much snow!” Anna started patting herself dry from leftover flakes, feet kicking away her boots.   
  
Elsa only watched with a face as stoic as a stone. “Snow? I’m sorry, it’s summer.”   
  
“Yes, but there’s snow. In summer.” Elsa winced at the way the younger redhead rolled her eyes. “And it’s your snow. Does that surprise you?” Anna tried to bite down her smile, sighing in relaxation. “Sit with me.”   
  
Like those three words had the ability to control her, Elsa dragged her feet around the bed to sit next to Anna. Quietness filled their presence for a moment, and Elsa just took that chance to notice Anna’s hands wrung together.   
  
“Why were you in the fields?”   
  
Anna raised her eyebrows, gazing at her Queen in question before scoffing playfully. “Uh, your Majesty, when I’m bored, I go out and just… you know, hang around. What people _actually_ do on a regular basis. Why were you just standing in your own bedroom like a haunted spirit?”   
  
Elsa looked away from her questioning gaze. “Am I… a monster?”   
  
Anna immediately started laughing. “A monster? Who said that, and why are you listening?”   
  
“Anna, I’m being serious! I… I’ve been controlling these powers. I’ve tried so hard… and people still don’t understand my pain. They still don’t see me as that little girl who used to go around town to greet random people. They don’t view me as the same as… as _you_.” Elsa sighed, her hands placed on her face. “It’s so tiring.”   
  
“But… I like that about you.”   
  
“What?”   
  
Anna took in a deep breath, eyeing the ceiling with eyes… that weren’t just filled with joy. But there was hope. Determination. Eyes that Elsa would never have. “I like your powers. I mean, who cares what other people think if I like it!”   
  
Elsa scoffed a little. “Self-centered, little sister?”   
  
“Oh, _please_.” She paused a few moments, tapping her thumb on top of her left one. “Mm… are you really worried about what other people think?”   
  
“I am the Queen, I have to worry.”   
  
Anna smiled, biting her bottom lip. “The people are worried about your powers - the ones that always make me happy when I was a child? That’s kind of ridiculous. Maybe you should create more swans.”   
  
“They call me a monster.”   
  
“Well, then, they really don’t know much about you, do they?” Anna turned to her with bright eyes. “And you… doubt yourself too much, which is ironic because you’re smart and intuitive, and I could never be like you.”   
  
Elsa’s eyes softened like a puppy that was getting scold, but she was making her best effort to look at Anna. At least, she deserved this much. “That’s not true at all. I never… asked for these powers.”   
  
“And I never asked to have a sister with powers, but I still love her, anyway.” Anna grinned, a hand coming to place on Elsa’s. “What are you so afraid of? Their opinions, is that it?”  
  
“Of course not.” Elsa groaned. “Obviously… I don’t want to hurt anyone.”   
  
“You won’t.”   
  
“You say that, but I did it to you! I still don’t understand why you’re even still here, touching me.”   
  
Anna’s tender smile confused Elsa even more. “That was one time. And how many times have you made me smile with those powers?” Silence. “Exactly. So stop being such a worrywart and just, you know, be _out_ there!”   
  
“I don’t want to use powers in front of them.”   
  
“But you’re in front of me. You’re not scared of me too, are you?”   
  
It was so easy to ask that. But she knew with the way Anna’s eyes glowed… with how she could feel her heart being lifted from a familiar presence of anticipation, Elsa gazed down at her hands. The tips of her fingers tingled, ice cold… but it was almost just as soothing as the hand that was placed on top of her own.   
  
With a small twirl of her left hand, a gentle blue glow of flurries and light danced on top of Elsa’s fingertips, and it all reflected in Elsa’s eyes. Where once they were full of fear and anger, Elsa somehow found relief and joy at that moment. And right there on Elsa’s palm was an icy cold swan, glistening through the sun… and it just shined so beautifully.   
  
“See? You did it. Now that’s not so monster-like, is it?”   
  
“Anna?” The woman turned… only to feel air tickling her hand. Her eyes met the wall of her bedroom, and not the familiar teal eyes she’d always see. She stayed quiet, feeling tears escape those hopeful eyes from before. The father clock echoed its tick in the empty room, and Elsa just sighed to herself… eyeing the perfectly made swan on her hand. And just as her fear faded, heartbreak and relief crashed through her, just like the realization that Anna… really just wanted what’s best for her. That she really cared.   
  
And through the tears, filled with their memories, Elsa gave her little sister her gratitude and love but placing the swan on the grass where she laid. __“Thank you, Anna.”  
  
  


 


End file.
